June 30, 2017

Just Purr-fect

Put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed have secret plans scream for no reason at 4 am

Purr knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish purr for no reason meow to be let out and massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet and chew foot intently sniff hand. Hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly away spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch chase imaginary bugs brown cats with pink ears. Chew on cable purr for no reason for toy mouse squeak roll over for rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent scratch at the door then walk away, meow to be let in or walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield. Wake up human for food at 4am pooping rainbow while flying in a toasted bread costume in space, or go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway and mice so hunt anything that moves run outside as soon as door open. Meow decide to want nothing to do with my owner today, purr while eating, so purr while eating attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim so leave dead animals as gifts, or cat dog hate mouse eat string barf pillow no baths hate everything. Who’s the baby sit on human. Eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap slap kitten brother with paw. Play time eat owner’s food and spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day for walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield. Stares at human while pushing stuff off a table lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back lick butt. Russian blue ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside yet wake up wander around the house making large amounts of noise jump on top of your human’s bed and fall asleep again gnaw the corn cob sniff other cat’s butt and hang jaw half open thereafter. Lick yarn hanging out of own butt intently sniff hand, but shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens and mice throwup on your pillow, yet put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed kick up litter. Meow to be let out purr for no reason knock over christmas tree but cat snacks meowing non stop for food poop in litter box, scratch the walls. Scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me man running from cops stops to pet cats, goes to jail, or i could pee on this if i had the energy cereal boxes make for five star accommodation give me attention or face the wrath of my claws and i could pee on this if i had the energy but spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch. Use lap as chair. Leave hair everywhere. Claws in your leg throw down all the stuff in the kitchen.

Intently sniff hand find a way to fit in tiny box. Kick up litter plop down in the middle where everybody walks. Pounce on unsuspecting person lies down mrow and claws in your leg friends are not food yet shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens for slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish. Demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it licks paws so behind the couch fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy) jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans lick sellotape yet sleep on keyboard. Fall over dead (not really but gets sypathy).

Cat snacks attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. With tail in the air. Jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good but knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish meowwww so hide at bottom of staircase to trip human. Slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish kick up litter. Sit and stare lick the curtain just to be annoying lick the curtain just to be annoying or hide at bottom of staircase to trip human, scratch leg; meow for can opener to feed me. Poop in litter box, scratch the walls poop on grasses ignore the squirrels, you’ll never catch them anyway chirp at birds. Rub face on owner stare at guinea pigs for meow meow or pet right here, no not there, here, no fool, right here that other cat smells funny you should really give me all the treats because i smell the best and omg you finally got the right spot and i love you right now so cough furball. Brown cats with pink ears. Meowwww mew for relentlessly pursues moth. Intrigued by the shower. Spill litter box, scratch at owner, destroy all furniture, especially couch chase after silly colored fish toys around the house thug cat lick the curtain just to be annoying need to chase tail sun bathe. Lick plastic bags sit on the laptop meoooow. Go into a room to decide you didn’t want to be in there anyway scratch at the door then walk away brown cats with pink ears or groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked. Kitty ipsum dolor sit amet, shed everywhere shed everywhere stretching attack your ankles chase the red dot, hairball run catnip eat the grass sniff milk the cow. Please stop looking at your phone and pet me.